When I asked Joel for his Guilt-Free 3, he asked me if there were specifications. I said, “Nope, do whatever you want.”
Then he told me he’d only give me his GF3 if i promised to post it the way he sent it over. So without further ado…
#1 – A.A. Bondy
JOEL: Bondy’s got a set of vocal chords—wow. But, look at the soul pouring out of his eyes! Look at the way he wears those thin shirts and black army style boots. His pants are versatile in the extreme. He is tall, strung out, totally into the sound of love as it exists in the southern gothic and folk tradition but does he stop there—no, because he’s A.A. fucking Bondy, thus, his music is also very saturated with melancholy and hypnotic reverb. I can’t stress enough how hypnotic it all is. He has perfected the sound of a male siren. He sounds like a lost cowboy in love. Spiritual. His face is full of wonderful architecture. The dark eyes. The forlornness. What does he know!? I listen to his music and always imagine he is riding over some prairie at night with lightning cracking in the sky and his silhouette—a slouched soldier in a war, lit against the surrounding hills.
#2 – James Franco
JOEL: The longest running joke of Franco’s career is that he might be gay. That joke is not told by women, though. It’s told usually by men—a lot of comedians—and the media speculation, allegedly also an industry controlled by men, is more than happy to continue promoting the question. To put it briefly, we men must really, really want this guy to turn for us. Because that means we at least have a chance.
Obviously a lot could be said about Franco–his looks, an active/versatile career–but without sounding too “Lebowski” about it, The Way of Franco is an interesting thought experiment: Would Franco get upset about some minor family dispute? Would Franco complain about his job? Would Franco tell you the sex you both shared didn’t matter? Think about it. Franco would be like a sexual friend and sage to you, in your bed, if he ever had the time and sexual interest.
#3 – Michael Fassbender
JOEL: How is the guy that skinny look that strong, and at time, that healthy? Fassbender’s rise coincides with the GQ/Esquire industries trend in re-imagining the modern man as an incredibly thin dude who seems lost and wise at the same time. The ideal image for almost the last decade in these magazines has been. the thin, clever looking sartorial fellow in a rakish, mod suit. If it’s JCrew, Streetfashion blogs, whatever, the most revered type in the new fitted era is a man long in the leg, deep in the eyes, thin nosed, etc. Fassbender is the latest version of the most modern man we could possibly imagine, but in his case, he actually is a living human you could fuck. How does he look so goddamn anatomical and, at the same time, soulful? Smart, but non-manipulative. Thoughtful, but always a man of action. I first saw Fassbender in Inglorious Bastards. But in the sex-addict he played in Shame, you see a man whose beauty is a scary potential. Sex comes to him and he is a slave to it. He serves it every day and no woman could rationally think when they were confronted with a complicated kind of angel like him. He is always perplexed by his own beauty and tortured by it because it grants him every carnal desire a man could want. And yet it’s not enough. So, hey Fassbender, come on over.